Reflection

As some of my peers return from their second trip to Kenya, I'm reminded of everything I saw there and everything I've seen since. A lot of learning and growth has come out of that trip and find myself now reflecting on how... narrow... our approach had been. I'm kicking myself in the head, wishing I had another shot at this because it seems clear to me now just how strange our approach had been when it came to the issue of street boys.

Everything we had done to try and understand the situation street boys were living in had been helpful in us getting acclimated with the culture, however it seriously missed addressing the issue, in my opinion. We brainstormed about MOOCs, about education, about resource centers and these were all wonderful and great initiatives! I think they all have potential and should definitely be followed through not just for the sake of the street boys but for many of the people in Kenya who would appreciate such services. What we didn't do however, and what still seems so.... interesting to me... is how we never really addressed the problem.

How did these individuals get here? and Why?

WOW! just wow. I'm literally like how could we have ignored that question when it was staring us right in the face the entire time. EVERYONE we spoke with had a story and we heard and we listened but we were so preoccupied with our own vision and ambitions that we didn't really HEAR what they were saying. The boys didn't need technology as much as they expressed that they needed to belong... family. That's what Peter had expressed in the video, that within this space he had people he could depend on and a place to settle himself, albeit maybe not the one he dreamed of but it was tangible.

As I am reflecting on D4K, and Andrew's story, Allan's story, Cabro's story, Amos' story we all start here in the home. I really am making this connection through a series of psychological thought processes, public health practices and general experience in Africa, we were trying to treat the issue but not solve the problem. When we talk about addiction and the inhaling of glue (which is the thought that led me here), the boys had expressed that they did this to avoid hunger pains and some of the other pains in their life, which makes a lot of sense given what we know about addiction. But what if there was a way to counteract that before it even got that far?

The idea that is beginning to be cultivated in my mind is that, initiatives need to be targeted at the source... the mothers. Many of the young men we spoke to spoke about their parents, and their mothers, with a sense of longing. As if they had wanted a relationship that they could not achieve and therefore left. And also we have the issue of the boys enjoying their freedom. I think there is a lot more to be learned about Kenyan society and culture but one thing I think should be pointed out is that there must be a reason these mothers are not out there collecting their sons. And what is that reason? Is it AIDS? Is it just culturally unacceptable? Is it power hierarchies? What is it?

Though there is MUCH to be learned about this situation, as I mulled this over in my mind I suddenly began to wonder if the trio of men we were working with (including Michael, David, and Mark) lacked that motherly element that was really missing from this group. There are potentially enough men in the lives of these boys, but what if we introduced a mother? Didn't a woman start D4K? What if we sought out the grandmothers of these communities?.... assuming that they are not overburdened with other children and work... what if we found just a few who were.... available and willing?

What if we asked them (and there would need to be more research done on the sustainability of this process as well but) to do just one thing, cook. If I told you as an older woman, look at these younger boys, they need something and will you be willing to take part in being that something. Theres no money involved but I will give you the ingredients for the food.We will craft this system in which you will get these ingredients for free (whatever they may be) and you just cook. And we introduce maybe some of the younger boys to this woman and we say hey, this is mama (not your mama, just mama) and she is willing to make some food for you, but only the boys that are the most respectful of mama and the most helpful to her will receive her good graces. And only the boys Mama thinks are very special, she will ask to help her and recommend for ___. (whatever cool thing someone else can provide, a class or some sort of sponsorship or even some arbitrary form of work, just something that occupies time)

Of course, Mama has to be in on the plan because this is all in the way you present the work. It's not restrictive, I'm not saying you have to do this or else you won't get this, the boys would be used to that kind of rejection... of not being able to meet a standard and it already sets the tone that this is something they don't necessarily deserve. Instead its a system based on reward and a reward from a figure that they have lost in their lives. This woman is rewarding the boys for being who they are, but at the best version that they can present to her. She's saying I noticed that so-and-so was helping me all day today and did not use any spending money on glue, I appreciate so-and-so and I'm rewarding that. I feel like something as simple as that would make such a difference in the life of someone fending for themselves in a place where you're looked down upon. And I think this type of system can become contagious especially around young people.

I'd argue you that psychologically we all just want to have that connection with someone, where we are appreciated and even more so from our parents. Let someone be proud of me for just trying, and I think that would just be one way of offering an alternative to being on the street and engaging in an unhealthy lifestyle. Providing the free food would just also be a way of keeping them invested in this figure as a person to trust and a safe space to be without it drastically infringing upon the life they have become accustomed to. I believe that gradually, as the relationship is built, the more often you will find boys wanting to spend more time helping mama and being with mama then engaging in other things.

Anyway, this is just another way of looking at the problem. I'm not sure how this differs from other social services already available in Kenya, and I still don't think it addresses the primary issue of what is happening between biological mothers and their relationship with their sons, BUT I just think it is a perspective that deserves more attention.